Have received a copy of an email sent from Rampton to the club from someone calling themselves Trigger.
Yo Jamie wasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssup!!
Its Trigger, I thought you struggled a bit last year ,only scoring 80 odd goals and finishing 3rd so have spent the last week looking over the squad and the new signings. Allow me to suggest a starting line up for the game against St Aines Town on Saturday and add a few tactical observations to help you.
Goalie: Loui Faz, he has a great spring for a little guy so stands to reason he would make a great keeper.
Right Back, i thought Andrews did well there last season having played Right Back 42 times, so i was dismayed you let him go. Its actually fairly lucky you have cover in Lee Clarke who has a great left peg and will slot in nicely at Right Back.
Left Back, I was again dismayed to see Cumbers play Right Back at Beckenham when everyone knows Left Back is his correct position, its self explanitory then that he would be my Left Back.
Center Half, Loick Pires is ideal for this as he is a big bloke and Braintree had the star of Avatar at the back last year so I am suggesting playing Loick there but we dont need any wode or stuff as Braintree went too far last year.
Center Half Andy Pugh is my second selection as he is a hold up player and he can therefore hold up the opposition strikers, i cant believe you never thought of this before.
Left Wing Jack Parkinson is my choice for this as he is good in the air and can cover at Left Back should Cumbers not be available or have to go off.
Right Wing We lacked crosses last season from the right, so with that in mind probably our best crosser should be placed there, look no further than Jack Obersteller to provide the ammo for the forwards.
Center Midfield Joe Healy is wasted on the left where his passing destroys teams, put him in the center and let him run where he wants and he can pass to everyone, this way he isnt just effective in 1/3rd of the pitch.
Attacking Midfielder playing just ahead of the back 4 Anthony Acheampong was one of our best players last season and with his height he should be playing in a more offensive role. Push him up the pitch and you'll see i am right.
Center Forward John Whitehouse is perfect for this given that we scored no goals from outside the box as he knows the importance of staying outside the " ****ing box" we will therefore score more from long range.
Center Forward Here is were i propose to be radical and play 3 different players for 30 mins each. Starting with Jordan Johnson, then after 30 mins going to Ben Martin who should win a few high balls and then for the final 30 minutes Deniz Mehmet who must be related to Dave Mehmet and he scored a few for Fisher.
On the bench we have 5 or 6 strong players who can come on and improve the team whenever you like. Far be it from me to do your job and tell you who to bring on.
In summary my starting team and formation is as follows
If you need one of our chats at Half Time i shall be in the Boardroom handcuffed to Matron, if you still cant see me i will be in the white jacket with the big straps round it so please do join me for a Marmalade Sandwich and a Mackesons and i will give you my thoughts and statergy for the second half.
Kind Regards
Trigger
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Alexander O'Neal 1987 "I'm fed up cos all you wanna do is criticize "
Its funny how you know you had something and then its gone. And the following is a prime example;
Out of the blue I get a message from matron to contact a very distressed young man as soon as possible. I telephoned the number given and was asked to call back as the person I wanted was just cleaning himself up after having a bowl of spaghetti hoops. Half an hour later I called back and through the crying and sobbing from the other end I could tell that something was up.
After empathising with him, the reason became quite clear about what he wanted. As a young talented cameraman his career had hit a brick wall. He had reached a standard of workmanship but was struggling to achieve the next step up. There were a couple of buttons on his video recorder that he did not understand.
He begged me for advice and proposed that we could meet up over dinner to discuss further. I handed over a box of 20 cigarettes to matron so that she would turn a blind eye for me to entertain a visitor.
At 19:00 there was a light knock on the door to my room. As I opened the two inch solid maple wood door I was greeted by my dinner date. A tall dark and handsome young man wearing a very smart three piece suit, none of that 100% wool rubbish, oh no, this was made from polystyrene. For myself I dressed appropriately by wearing a plain navy blue 100% wool suit jacket, underneath to which was a light blue and green wooly tank top. A pair of NIKE tracksuit bottoms perfectly matched by the Rigger boots that were being worn on my feet.
Due to data protection I cannot publish the identity of this Adonis that stood before me, so I will call him Tim. No.. Not Tom!..Tim.
I welcomed him in but due to my 12 x12 foot square white padded room and the fact that I am not allowed any furniture he had to remain standing. A quick press on the large red panic button on the wall was the signal for dinner to be served. A large bowl of spaghetti shapes was presented to Tim, No....Not Tom! Tim. It was a delightful time and I offered strategic CRM consultancy, strategy and monitoring as a starting point.
With Tim, No....Not Tom!..Tim reassured he suggested a game of eye spy. I looked around my 12x12 foot room and thought How come he doesnt live here? Anyway, I covered my eyes and began to count 1,2,3, up to 100. I removed my hands and to my surprise, Tim, No....Not Tom!..Tim had vanished. So too had my latest team strategy to Jamie Day.
Im not one to accuse anyone without good reason but come on....
So for Tim, No....Not Tom!..Tim to suggest anything else is in the least, questionable.
-- Edited by Trigger on Wednesday 10th of August 2011 04:32:03 PM
Glad you explained the events as they happened Trig. Forget the NoW phone tapping the depths to which Tim,....Not Tom !..Tim will stoop to get an exclusive beats that hands down.
By the way did you notice the expletive which had been added? I'm sure Matron would have slapped your legs if you'd used such language when dictating your missive to her.
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YOUTH are the future
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"The worst thing you can do is make a committment and not meet it and I understand that." Barrie Hobbins 14 August 2010
What a load of baloney i never touched any stratergy i was outside looking at your mini pitch you had designed where you work out your tactics, as proof you can clearly see it in the email as you included a photo.
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Alexander O'Neal 1987 "I'm fed up cos all you wanna do is criticize "
